Phantom In my Brain

Let this be the last post on this beloved blog of mine. A shrine to beloved memories. I'll try posting someplace else, I think, after a while. Symbolic. Of moving on. Or trying to at least.
Though I do doubt how successful I will be in this venture of mine. Simply because I don't want to. I want my old life back.
Hope is a terrible thing you know, it makes me think it's real, the phantom in my brain.

My igoogle page has a page element called 'famous poems'. It displays a new well- known poem everyday. Most of them are ones I have never read or heard of before, (which does not mean they aren't famous, it just means that I don't really know many poems) but the other day I was plesantly surprised to find William Wordsworth's Daffodils on my igoogle homepage.
I could almost smell the crisp new pages of my 7th Standard English Textbook and see the poem printed in it with markings by pencil as the teacher pointed out the figures of speech and rhyme scheme of the poem. Brought back a lot of memories...

Daffodils
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

- William Wordsworth

Stuck

     I had decided not to go anywhere during my month long holidays and finish a lot of pending work. This included finishing some project reports, doing some work for dad on the computer that he wants me to do, and figuring out exactly what I want to do after my Masters and how.

Now with only about a week left before college restarts, I realized I haven't done any of those things. I also wanted to freak out with some light reading, and watch loads and loads of movies. I haven't done much of that either.

What happens during the course of the day is that I sit down to do some important work, but it's a half hearted effort, since I go on telling myself that this is my 'vacation' and I should be chilling with some cool movie right now. So I start watching some movie. But again, a small voice in my head says that I'm wasting my time and should be finishing the tonnes of pending work. So I try to get back to work, but the going is really slow and I get bored soon, and start reading some book. After about a page or two that small voice in my head gets louder and louder till I slam the book shut, and try, in vain to get back to work. My thoughts just swing like some tennis ball between two courts and I end up gaining absolutely nothing but exhaustion.

It's not like I don't know what I should do, I know very well that I if I allot just a couple of hours per day to work, I can be free to do whatever I want for the rest of the day. I'll also be freeing myself from that irritating voice in my head, but it is easier said than done. I can't believe I'm saying this, but deadlines are actually good, and stern professors that grill you if you don't reach your target are what a lazy bum like me needs. Shucks…

Ok I have been staring at what I have written so far so the past 10 minutes. And I can't believe I am actually stuck in such a sick mess. If I want to enjoy my vacation to the fullest I seriously need to get that work done. NOW!    

Sinking In

I can picture you on this gigantic ship. It’s too foggy to discern the details of the ship, but I can see you standing on the Upper Deck (I am guessing that’s what it’s called..). And surprisingly it’s not beer or any other form of alcohol you’re holding in your hand. It’s coffee. And somehow there aren’t any other sailors on board that I can see either. Maybe it’s a form of symbolism. I reckon 6 months out at sea could get lonely.

The fact that I won’t be seeing you for the next 6 months is slowly sinking in. (pun not intended). And the fact that we didn’t even have a proper goodbye isn’t in any way helping me get over this sinking feeling. I won’t ramble on here about why I didn’t meet you that day. Going that way would be futile.

So I’ll just wait here, wait for the 6 months to get over.
Hey, what do you know, one can be lonely on land too...

It was good while it lasted

"Here, this is my card", he said giving her his business card.
"The first email address is mostly for official purposes but I generally keep in touch with friends via the second one", he explained.
"And this is the address to my blog. I totally love to blog. Do you blog?" he asked excitedly.
"Blog?"

That word triggered the release of old memories, long forgotten in the recesses of her brain.
"Oh yes, I used to have a blog..." she said and trailed off, thinking about her beloved blog. She was suddenly walking down memory lane; those wonderful days when she wrote regularly and looked forward to people's comments. Where had all those times disappeared? Did she seriously have no time now to write about the tiny little things happening in her life? Or had blogging been just a phase of her life that had faded away, like her harry potter craze?
Somehow she knew those 'phases' could not be brought back to life, those days could not be relived no matter how hard she tried now. Somehow she knew she would never be 22 again.
"Well, at least it was good while it lasted anyway", she consoled herself.

My laptop previously had Windows Vista. i had heard bad things about windows Vista,so i had it only fr a couple of days and then changed to XP through someone.

But now i miss Vista!!
It was...kewl...

But I was told you can have the Vista Theme on an XP operating system. Now how does one do that? I'm not a very tech savvy person, so...do i download it from somewhere, or what?

stuff...

its been almost a month since i last posted...so much has happened since then... my theory exams are over!! now pracs to go, they shall end on my budday, last year my pracs began on my budday... improvements! my project report...and then lessons i learnt on the way, boy i could write a thesis on that itself!
i'm actually chilling today, after days and days of 'bhag daud', my laptop!!! i'm actually posting this from my sexy new laptop! though i did feel a bit low while giving away my old pc, it had been with me for the past seven years! but i took it's pictures, you know just to remember it...